Burglars can have anything except my doggies. They can have my money, car, electronics, anything except my pups. Note to potential thieves: my dogs would eventually annoy you so much with their excessive snuggling attempts that you would release them, so just take the other stuff. » 12/26/14 11:55am 12/26/14 11:55am

I am genuinely bewildered why all my comments disappeared last night and I was apparently blocked. I have been posting on Gawker for a while and never have been flagged or dismissed. I said "horseshit" in one post about Darren Wilson's "injuries." Maybe I said the F word in another post but not in an aggressive… » 11/25/14 2:34pm 11/25/14 2:34pm

See the key is to keep squirrels fat. We feed ours so many nuts they can barely get their lard butts up the tree let alone leap across to power lines. We have turned them into true American citizens, all they want to do is eat and sit on their squirrel couches with the remote. Problem solved. » 11/23/14 11:56am 11/23/14 11:56am

I know a girl who joined the peace corps and while serving started to lose a bunch of weight. Upon her return, she found out she had a tapeworm in her intestines. She was scheduled to be in a couple weddings that summer, so deferred treatment until afterwards so she could look "good" in the bridesmaid dresses. See,… » 11/22/14 12:15pm 11/22/14 12:15pm

I am calling out Becca, Lisa, Jennifer, Meredith, Marybeth, Alison, and/or Kelly for posting our video from the MOST AWESOME 7th grade slumber party EVER and allowing Beyoncé to steal all our boss moves. I just want to know what Bey did when she woke up to her bra in the freezer. That is never cool. » 11/21/14 8:11pm 11/21/14 8:11pm